Breathe
by PoisonedSkittles
Summary: Jeff reflects over his now ex-relationship with Matt before he gets a welcomed “Twist of Fate.” Heh, pardon the bad pun, I couldn’t help it.
1. Just

Title: Breathe (1/2)  
Author: Katie!  
Rating: PG-13  
Content: Implied incest, m/m incest at that. Slight language...and very light angst!  
Characters: Matty and Jeffy, with mentions of Kurt Angle  
Summary: Jeff reflects over his now ex-relationship with Matt before he gets a welcomed "Twist of Fate." (Heh, pardon the bad pun, I couldn't help it.)   
Disclaimer: Don't own...wish I did. I just borrowed! Although...there has been a lot of banging behind my closet door...hmmm.  
Notes: Title and lyrics taken from song of the same name by Greenwheel. Story is from Jeff's POV. Feedback is lusted over, it's my first fic!

I

Played the fool today

And I

Can see us vanishing into the crowd

Longing for home again

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

I jumped up to a sitting position in my bed with a start, knowing it was only the fact that my legs were caught some God-forsaken way in the sheets that kept me from falling onto the cold hardwood floor.

"Why the hell do I keep hear—"I almost wondered aloud before my green eyes flittered towards the corner of the room. There sat my decent-sized stereo with the sound just loud enough to be heard, and the song that so adequately described my feelings had conveniently been left on repeat.

"Damn it...who left the radio on last night?"

Ahh...last night. What a night it was. The events came flooding back like water that had just broken the dam that had been containing it, but they felt warm as honey when I remembered them. Bittersweet honey though...like a peach that had been picked a day too early.

Me and Matt were at home in our newly renovated ranch house in Cameron, NC. We wanted to be together, and we wanted to be in our hometown, so we took care of both by buying an old abandoned farmhouse and making it look like new again. It was fun, too! But back to the story. We were snuggled up in a hammock in our backyard, looking up at the stars and talking. That was one thing we loved about the countryside, it was always so quiet.

Tonight though, the silence would prove to be my undoing.

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

It was because of that silence that I could hear the six words that ripped my heart into shreds. Six little words that held too much weight for their small size. Six words that brought a lifetime of pain.

"I wish Lita could see this." Matt said, his husky voice barely above a whisper. I looked up from my perch on his chest and looked at him skeptically. Of course, I played the innocent, it was always easier than being defensive. "Lita? A new friend of yours?" I asked, moving so I could see his face. A hand went up and brushed some midnight strands of hair away from his eyes before they moved back to my sides.

He looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. I'd never seen his eyes get that big before. I don't think he realized I heard him. I don't think I was supposed to hear him. "Ehhmm...Umm...yeah...a...friend of mine." He stumbled out, looking nervously from me to the sky and back down. He had always been the bad liar out of the two of us. He knew I knew that, so why was he playing games? Then he sighed. A sigh I knew all too well. It was one that came before news that I didn't want to hear and he didn't want to say. I braced myself, unaware that the next things he would say would shatter my life as I knew it.

"Lita is...my new girlfriend, Jeffy...I met her a few weeks ago, and we sort of hit it off. I asked her out last week. I'm so...so..." But I didn't hear anymore. I'd already fallen out of the hammock, my vision blurred by tears. It wasn't until I felt a strong hand on my shoulder that I stopped and turned around, burying my head into the bare chest that belonged to that hand.

"Why Matty! Why?! Was not good enough for you? Did I not satisfy you...we can work on that, I promise! Please don't do this to me...please don't..."

And I can't ask for things to be still again

No I can't ask for you

To offer the world through your eyes

Longing for home again

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

After that, I don't really remember what I did. Or maybe the better question is what didn't I do. I do remember getting ready in my best...weirdest...clothes, fixing my hair, and grabbing the keys. I drove until I found a club that catered to what I wanted. Once inside I drank more than I ever have in my life. I don't think I could have told you what my name was if you'd have asked me.

Then I met someone oddly familiar. Had my mind been working correctly I could have placed him as a co-worker, but in my drunken stupor he looked like just the man I needed to drown my sorrows in. So I chatted him up, as best I could, and we came back to my apartment. Matt had gotten his things and moved out after I'd left. Oh well, that just left more food and bed for me and my new friend.

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

The night went on and got hotter than a coal-burnin' stove. The whole time I was pushing Matt's gorgeous face out of my mind...willing myself to forget him...forcing myself to see that it wasn't him I had my arms around, but it was no use. After several hours of trying to forget him we both collapsed into a sweaty heap on my bed and slept like that. It wasn't until this morning that we untangled and I finally see who I copulated with last night. Even if I can't see his pretty, clear blue eyes I know it's him.

I'd tossed my troubles onto an innocent Kurt Angle. How low am I? I go around and start sleeping with men I work with everyday. This is great. As if mine and Matt's break-up wasn't going to make work awkward, this surely would. I sighed as I climbed out of bed and got me a quick shower. I was quiet as I could be, the last thing I wanted was to wake him up. I got dressed in a simple pair of jeans a black 'beater, tossing wet rainbow strands back into a ponytail before grabbing my keys and bag and walking out, locking the door behind me. He'd wake up and leave soon enough.


	2. Breathe

The drive to the arena was long and haunting. Even the music I had blaring couldn't chase out my screaming thoughts. Usually we would be together...listening to our crazy theme song, and laughing, singing it together. I loved the way you picked on me about how I sang...that's why I sounded like that. Anything to make you smile...

My window through which

nothing hides

And everything sings

I'm counting the signs

And cursing the miles in-between

I must have been so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't see the stop sign. Or the red light...or the 18-wheeler turning infront of me. You're usually there, screaming at me, grabbing the wheel and being the ever-present voice of reason. All I remember was the terrible screeching of the tires and the sickening sound of my head crashing through the windshield. You weren't there to make sure I'd put on my seatbelt.

I blacked out, and all I could think about was you. It was all your fault. If you'd have been there, you'd have been sure I had my seatbelt on, made sure I was paying attention, and made sure I stopped at the stoplight. Of course, if you were there, I wouldn't of had the need to daydream anyway.

I don't remember how I ended up in the hospital, dressed in this poor excuse for an outfit, with millions of wires taped to me in odd places. I wonder if anyone called you...No, probably not. The pain is dull, they have me so doped up on medication that I feel the same way I did at the bar last night. I make the mistake of looking in a mirror that was beside my bed. I'd have screamed, but it'd get the nurses riled up again. My face was swollen, both my eyes were sunken in with a big black ring around each, my neck was covered in scratches and scar tissue, and my shoulders were banged up too. They had to cut some of my hair because it was matted with blood. I hope they didn't call you, I don't want you seeing me like this.

I fall back onto the bed and try and get some sleep, replaying 8 years together in my mind in a matter of mere hours. I woke up to the feeling of several pairs of eyes on me. You know the feeling...the one that you're being watched. As I blink open my puffy eyes my heart skips a beat. When the blurry figures become clear I'm in a state of shock. They did call you. And apparently you brought friends. I see Adam and Jay...Shane and Shannon...Kurt...and you. Damn you're beautiful. Your hair is loose, just the way I like it. I reach out to run my fingers through it, I just want to feel you near me.

"Matty...don't look at me...I look awful." came my pitiful request. I knew you weren't going to listen, you could be as stubborn as me sometimes. You just smiled...the one I'd seen so many times before. I know I probably should have acknowledged the other people with you but I just couldn't. You were there, and to me, that was all that mattered. You opened your arms, and took me inside of them. Wires, short hair, paper gown and all. I'd missed how strong your embrace was, and I'd missed the smell of your shirts. Weakly I wrapped my arms around you too, and before I knew it tears were streaming down my cheeks, and falling into the fabric of your sleeveless tank. What surprised me more, though, were the tears I felt falling on my scalp. You were crying too. "Why are you crying...? You should be happy, I'm okay, right?" I can't stand for you to cry, it hurts more than the accident did. "Jeffy...I missed you so much...I'm so glad you're okay...I can't stand being away from you..."

But home

Is a feeling I buried in you

That I buried in you

I didn't care much about what happened after you said that. All I knew was I had my Matt back. My Matt. The rest of the guys sat their presents down and tiptoed out, giggling like little schoolgirls. In the back of my mind I knew I needed to apologize to Kurt...and I would. Soon. Just not right now. You sat on the bed with me, running your fingers through my new haircut, a new look of love in your eyes.

"I love you, Matty" I said, moving to snuggle into your lap, not wanting to be away from you anymore. You held me oh-so-close, and right then all the pain became worth it. It was like I went through it just so this moment would mean more to me. "I love you too, Jeffy..." you murmured into my hair, your hands running down my back gently. Reaching up, I wrapped my fingers in your hair and just sighed contentedly. I had everything I wanted now. I had my Matty back, I had good medicine , I had good friends, I had presents, and I had life. I just need to remember to breathe. Inhale...exhale...breathe.

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe

I'm alright

I'm alright

It only hurts when I breathe


End file.
